Happy forever! Welcome aboard the Kilwin express to Dundary. We will be stopping nowhere.
If you’ve traveled with us before and somehow escaped only to return to ride again, welcome back! Please identify yourself to the nearest ticket agent so that we can remove you. Otherwise you will be sifted into spaghetti when the anomaly drive activates.
Today’s journey will take us somewhere and will last for eternity or until we encounter something in the reaches of space that kills us all.
Thanks to our generous sponsor, Hadron Industries, you will not experience aging, hunger, thirst, or psychological torment at any point during this journey. If you do experience any discomfort, it is likely that you are being turned into spaghetti by the anomaly drive.
If you look to your left, you will see the initiation of our undocking sequence. In approximately 5 minutes, the state of the art technology that powers the Kilwin Express will activate, sending us on an entirely random course through space and time.
To your right you will see all of your grieving families. Ta-ta!
If you are here because the prospect of death frightens you and you prefer instead to bounce around the cosmos for eternity or until something kills us all, we’d like to invite you to our Platinum members lounge for free cocktails.
We’d like to thank you for choosing to careen with Kilwin. Our endless journey into the long and magnificent night is only possible thanks to customers like you.
And now, the soothing tunes of Dick Stusso.
Captain, take us away.
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TOOG OUT.
this album cover is so excellent